A Greater Sin

My mind is absolutely baffled and confused right now. I need to find myself and to find God. I believe in God so much, I entrust everything to Him, I have so much faith in Him, I believe that He is omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient, I put Him above everything else. Though my closeness with Him today is not the same level of closeness we had the past years, I don't question and doubt Him, I still believe in Him. No matter how great and how many a problem that arises in my life, I still go back to Him, and rely on Him, I always do.

Yesterday night, while watching the Philippine Azkals game against Indonesia in the AFF Suzuki Cup 2010, I prayed so hard for them to goal and eventually win. On the contrary, it was Indonesia who first got the goal of the game, and the unexpected tears just came falling. I remember the Christmas game of Lakers against Miami Heat, when they lost, I lost faith in God (Confessions of a Los Angeles Lakers Lover). I don't want that scene to ever happen again, I never wanted that to happen, again, but yesterday night, it happened, though not as emotional and dramatic as the past. What makes it more sad and a greater sin, is that I just recently established my love for the Philippine Azkals, and I already questioned God at this early stage of my relationship with them. I could understand myself if the cause was the Lakers or a very tremendous family problem, but I just knew Azkals for only three days, and I already acted that way. The rush of emotions I had yesterday night, it was like they have been a part of my life for three years.

My humiliating act in the eyes of the believers of God yesterday night was not a usual drop of faith, it was something odd that is very hard to explain. It was a question of the mind, a skepticism I could not avoid. Is it wrong to believe in God? My belief in Him was the same ground that caused by doubt in Him. It is because I believe in God so much, thinking that He can control everything, but why can't He grant my prayers? Why can't He do what I wish Him to do? Why is believing not working anymore? Is it wrong to believe in God so much? I have my own answer for this queries, but it has not sunk in yet to the deepness of my soul. The answer is clear, my prayers is not the only prayers God is listening to. I am not the only person that God is being God to. I am not the only subject of God. The whole human population depend on God, not only me. If I was believing that the Azkals could goal, the Indonesians who were watching the game live in the arena were also believing that their team could goal, and they were greater in number. Who was I to beat them?

God is just like a political system, and I refer to Almond and Powell's structure of the political system. The interest articulated to the system are aggregated; they are combined and transformed into numerous major alternatives. Prayers are the interests, demands, needs, and claims of the people, and God aggregates them, then God makes authoritative decisions directed towards these interests and are fed back to the people. My prayer is not the only prayer that God is listening to, and not the only prayer He aims to grant and answer. He aggregates our prayers, which answer will be for the common good, not just for me.

I am really sorry Lord God, I hope You will accept my apology. Forgive me Lord, I know not what I do. I still believe in You, Lord, I still do, and I know that You know that very well. I will go back home to You, Lord God, and I hope that you will open Your doors to me, which I know that it is always open to everyone. Please welcome me into Your kingdom, Lord God. I am very sorry.

Where Amazing Happens

No copyright infringement intended, all property rights of the title above belong to NBA.

This is yet another Lakers post. Amazing happens in Lakers. First off, the most amazing in this post, that I really have to take my hats off to, and is credit-worthy, RON ARTEST. His transformation from a relatively bad guy to an extremely good guy is purely amazing. First, he auctioned his championship ring, and the proceeds of it will be donated. I frankly really wanna knock Ron Ron's head off, a championship ring is absolutely important for a player, but he did this for a cause. Another milestone in his life is to donate either all or some of his 2011-2012 salary. His salary is $6.79 million, if my digits are accurate, and he's going to donate it for a mental awareness program. I am just teary-eyed. You really are worthy to have a Ron Artest Day, and you got that Ron Ron, you have that. You are unbelievable, and I am so bleeping proud of you.

Second, Andrew Bynum is back! He just recently came back, and he's already steeping up his game. You are a good player, Bynum, so please, just pretty pretty pretty please, take care of yourself, be healthy, and avoid injuries. Lakers need you, and boy, we missed you!

Third, which is not really that amazing, Sasha Vujacic was traded to New Jersey for Joe Smith. I honestly don't know Joe Smith, but he's a veteran, and veterans are good players. My emotion for this trade is 50-50. I am sad, because slowly, the team that had won the 2009 NBA Champion, are fading, they have been gradually traded to another team. The most hurtful of which was Trevor Ariza's trade for Ron Artest, which paid off, at least. Joe Smith should be better than Sasha. Sasha used to be a very good player, he was even called the Machine, but he just lost it, he lost his playing mojo. He's no big help to the team, anymore, so the Lakers just have to find another player who can do a huge help. Maria Sharapova was sad for the trade, but Lakers have to.

Keep on winning, Lakers. Your game on the day of Jesus is one important game, and I have been praying for your victory. So help us GOD.

By far, the longest two days of my life

December 18 and 19 felt like a double, double combo ( I can't resist GD and TOP). I honestly thought that four days have already past after the start of our Christmas break, but I realized, it has only been 2 days. How great is that? Perhaps attending the Misa de Gallo is one factor that establishes my long duration of days. The days were not my normal unproductive days full of lazyheads, sleeping, eating, couch-potato, TV-faced habit. They were wondrous days spent with the most important persons in my life.

I spent my Saturday with Leslie and Catherine, Madel (Leslie's friend) and Lyn Rose (Leslie's friend's cousin) shooting a video greeting for Leslie's boyfriend, Jessie. His birthday is on December 25 and he's out abroad, he's an NSA student, and I don't know what that means, Norwegian Slllmmbb Asshhhrr. Ok, so early in the morning, while waiting for Catherine, we karaoke-ed our way like an early drunkard, drinking Yakult. A Yakult drunkard. And when Cath arrived, we started shooting the video and blah blah. Too lazy to provide the details. Whatever, I had fun, and I miss spending time with these dorks. Meg was MIA, because she was traumatized. The last time she tried to come party with us, she lost her wallet, or was stolen. I miss you, Meggy Adorkable!

In the evening, we went to Hi-Soar Construction Services Christmas Party, my Uncle's party for his business. It was tummy-exploding. I consumed like a barrel of food, and my tummy could just explode into a thousand colors. There were lots of food, but I only selected some to intake. I had beef stew, which was amazingly tender, roasted beef, roasted pork/pig, roasted turkey, crab paella, spaghetti, and buko pandan for dessert, and of course, rice, I would never omit that. My aunt gave us gifts, Mama and Kent received elegantly-looking watches, which I am very jealous of. While my sister Ira and I received a not elegantly-looking bag which can be folded into a purse. The color? Polka-dotted pink bag. WTF! I am grateful for the gift, but a polka-dotted pink bag? Come on! Pink is my enemy color. Ate Ira's was green, good thing she was kind enough and offered to exchange our bags.

Yesterday, Sunday, was my Mama and Papa's 20th Wedding Anniversary. We celebrated it in KFC, and tried their Christmas bucket feast. Our only aim was the decadent cake, because years ago, their decadent cake was the most delicious cake I ever tasted, at that moment. Sadly, I was disappointed, because it was not the same cake. Oh well, it was still mouth-watering.

Yesterday was also the first time, I suppose, I went shopping with my brother. Well, we get to shop with him around, but yesterday, it was not us who were shopping, it was him. He bought sneakers, and it really took us a big deal of time before he really bought what he wanted, and he end up buying Draven sneakers. OMG! I saw Giro yesterday, and he was with his girlfriend, if I'm not mistaken. Boo you, Giro, boo!

In the evening, I watched Philippines vs. Indonesia in the AFF Suzuki Cup 2010, which will have a separate post later. I was sad, and so I went with Mama to go fetch Ate Ira in Velez. She had a 3-11 duty. T'was a long night, and I only had 2 hours and 30 minutes of sleep. Hello eye bags!