Friday, May 07, 2010

I am the Only One

"I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something I can do". ~Edward Everett Hale

A year has passed since I've gained knowledge of our family problem. It was April when I first knew about it, but I considered it a rumor, for no evidence was laid at hand. It was only in December that I have accepted the rumor as true.

Four months have passed, but no one ever confronted someone to solve the problem. We all have just repressed our agony, for we want no chaos. I have been waiting for a moment that can infuriate me or anyone in the family to speak up. When that moment came, I didn't even know how to respond, and just changed the topic to avoid commotion.

There are times when Ate Ira was very eager to ask questions, perhaps to end the problem, but later on refused to, for our focus on studies may be affected, as if it hasn't yet.

I have been brainstorming on how to alleviate all these hidden hurt, guilt, mistrust and hatred, and the only approach I can think of is to write letters. The letters will be addressed to all the people involved in this predicament. Solving the problem through letters is the only peaceful way. If no one will stand up and take action, a year will slowly pass again, the problem unsolved. When I go home, that will be the only time for me to write and personally deliver the letters. That will be the only time that my emotion will be so focused, for when classes start, my attention should be narrowed towards my studies.

I am the only one who can end this problem. Though I may be emotionally frail at times, I am the strongest in the family. My Mama is too weak and martyr, she can never handle the case. Ate Ira is clouded by hatred, she can never see right. Kent is just an innocent kid who knows nothing. Ate Lovelie, though part of the family, is not completely entwined with our bloodline. I am the only one who is not weak enough; the only one who does not bear hatred; the only one who is willing to forgive; the only one who can eradicate all these pain and suffering. I value our family so much, that I would face this on my own. God, be with me.

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