Saturday, July 09, 2011


The vibe of a childish freshman is striking back at me. Back in first year, my friends and I used to chase our crushes in the corridors and streets. Peeking whenever they pass by. I even remember how we give them code names, since we don't know who most of them are. All those giddy behavior. All those funny scenarios. Nostalgia.

I ran out our crushes last semester. No one gave me inspiration. No one made me giddy. There are those guys who grab my attention, but only momentarily. There's really no special someone. No someone who I can label a crush. I guess I got used to all the handsome faces in TC. 

Since we're back in Main, I see new faces. Handsome, hot, cute, geeky, and nerdy. Oh! They all attract me. However, I now realize why I don't have a crush. I only realized it after my friends and I talked about why we don't have crushes, anymore. Lordee was the one who spelled all the words out. We have no crush because when a guy catches our attention, we don't get to see them again. We just see them once, and we say in our mind "Oh my God! He's so cute!", but after that, we're lost. It's so transient. The fact that we don't know them, that we don't get to see them after we get attracted to them, is the reason why we don't have a crush. We like them but only for that exact moment. When they are out of sight, that's the end of our liking.

There was once when I came across a very cute and handsome guy one night while passing outside Sto. Rosario church. We were walking at opposite ways. He was staring at me. I saw him staring at me, but I continued talking to my friends and looking at where we were going. He caught my eyes, again, and he was still staring at me. He was walking but he was staring at me. I am sure of that. I shun away my eyes from him and talked with my friends, again, but when he caught my eye yet again, I saw him staring at me. He could have bumped to anything, but he was looking at me. I think when we passed by each other, he still turned his head and still gave me his last glimpse, and so did I. It happened so fast. I dropped the words, "It's so weird", but I didn't explain why. He got me. His stare sold me. He was so cute and handsome, and he was looking at me all the way. What sane girl would not have a crush on that guy? Sadly, after that lovely moment, I didn't see him, again. I forgot his face, all I remember is that he was super cute and handsome. That is the reason why I don't have a crush, because my encounter with that guy was so fast and momentary.

This week, I had TWO crushes. The one guy sold me with his nose pierce. He is so cute and he was so masculine while approaching the Wrockledge table with his group of friends. He has fair white skin. He has a beautiful face and eye lashes. Unfortunately, based on our observation, he is gay. In their group, all were females except him and another guy who Lordee said was gay. He puts loose powder on his face like a girl. His eye lashes were abnormally beautiful and curly to be in a guy's eyes. When he talks, his gestures are of a gay's. That really made me sad. Just when I have a crush, my crush is gay. I can now relate to Chrisia when she had a crush with a gay guy. The other guy sold me with his Paolo-ish Pascual-ish face. He looks like Paolo Pascual, and Paolo Pascual is my most recent Azkal obssession. Why would I not be attracted to him? But I don't know, maybe it's just me who thinks his face has similarities with Paolo. This guy is wearing eye glasses, and like me, he removes his eye glasses every now and then. We are so similar. Weeh! I'm getting giddy for that fact. Aside from that, he has a cute smile like Paolo Pascual. And I don't know, maybe it's just me, but he's staring at me as much as I am staring at him. We always catch each other's eyes. Feeling flighty. I am so hoity-toity with these guys. Unfortunately again, he has a petite body compared to my circumferentially disadvantaged body. I think he is a first year student, and I'm a fourth year. I am corrupting minors. LOL. 

Mehn! When will I ever get lucky with my crushes? I feel so sad and lonely. What is wrong with me? Am I too anti-social? Geez. Maybe I should imitate Jenna Marbles' straightforward attitude towards someone she likes. It's just too scary to approach a guy and tell him I like him. I have reputation and dignity to consider. I can't just do that. I stay by my dalagang Pilipina mode when it comes to that, only to that. I am actually conservative in "me-guy" situations.

To put my conservative "me-guy" situation concretely, here's my V-hire experience. While I was lining for the V-hire, there was a guy one person ahead of me, and his two friends were behind me. His face was a thumbs up. In the V-hire, he sat beside me together with his friends. He was pressing on my shoulders and elbow. I think he really wanted that electric touch between us, but I kept calm. Of my whole life riding V-hires, it was only him who was leaning on me. It was not the ordinary side-by-side space you get in a V-hire. Sometimes, yes, you only get too little space between you and the person beside you, but this guy is too much. He was leaning on me. He would also lean on front and just stare at me for minutes. It was so awkward. He was making his moves. Good thing, I got my headphones on, or else I'll have no choice but to talk with that prick. Yes, his appearance may seem okay, but his approach is so not okay. I won't be sold for a guy who does that. Does he do that to every girl he sit beside? I'm sorry, but his moves were so cheap. I won't be sold for that, really. If it wasn't for the good music I was listening, and if I was in a bad mood that night, I could have told him to buzz off and stopped goofing around, I could have quarreled with him. I just had to compose myself and kept calm.

See? I am conservative in a "me-guy" situation, but when I'm with friends and we're having fun, that word is non-existent.

I hope my gay crush a.k.a Gay Lord is not really gay. I hope my Paolo-ish Pascual-ish crush is not a freshman. I hope to find a real crush, real soon. Wish me luck.

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