I sought boredom-breaking habits for this sembreak, so I started blogging, again. After the two blogs I posted, I cannot seem to find another topic. Few days I've been searching what to post that is of my interest. Still, I haven't found one. My brain's slowly depleting.
Suddenly, one night(or dawn, that was 2am), after watching WHAT LIES BENEATH in Star Movies, my sister received a text message from my mother. The text message wasn't really sent at 2am, it was sent earlier, but we didn't notice it, since we were watching the movie. [Date: Oct. 16, 2009, Grandfather John's death anniversary]
The text message stated [translated version]:
"Ira, you should always pray that your father be healed from his illnesses/diseases. He is very pitiful here, he cries thinking of what will ever happen to us when he's gone".
The text message brought us agony, and we went crying and weeping for more than an hour. As I am writing this, tears keep streaming down my cheeks.
It breaks my heart to think that my father cries for us. To think that he'll be gone is even worse. We prayed and prayed. I went to our altar and prayed for more than thirty minutes. I just kept crying and praying. I can only pray.
Yes, my father was right, what will ever happen to us if he's gone. What will ever happen to me? I would sure die inside, too. I don't know, I stated I'd commit suicide, but I don't know. I really don't know. My father is very important to me. I love my father so much. I love my Papa Topher so much. I would offer my life for him. I told God, that he should take my life instead, in exchange for my father's. Nobody depends on my life. But the life of my father, our family depends on him, not only us, but the residents of the barangay he is chairman of, my relatives, and others.
The health of my father has been our problem. He has been taking medications, but he still suffers. One time, he lost hope and said he would quit taking the medicines, since nothing is happening, it's just taking his money. The medicines are very expensive, yet they seem not doing its functions to my father's health. My father is still so young, he's only 44, but he is very sickly. Please God, heal my father. Calling all saints, heal my father. Don't take my father away from us.
I have claimed that my happiness is G-Dragon and Kobe Bryant. I knew that it wasn't eternal, I knew that it's a misconception of happiness, but I was stubborn. I have misconstrued happiness. Now, I finally realized what my happiness really is. My happiness is my father, my family, the most significant persons in my life. I would wither if something painfully, awfully bad would happen to them.
Please God, I'm begging you, I would give and do everything for my father. Just let him stay with us longer, much much longer, in a healthy condition. Heal him. Heal my father. Lord, I offer my life to you, you the Almighty Father. Now, I offer my life for my father. Be with him God, be with my father. I can only pray.
I love you so much my Papa Topher. I love you. You are my life. Just stay. Stay right here with us. I will never be happy, but you, my papa, as long as you're here, alive and healthy, I would be more than happy. Please God, please, I love you with all my heart, my mind, and soul, and so do I with my father. Father, please, Amen.