I once told Jel that I'm not a happy person anymore. I realized that I'm not. I once was very happy. I had no problems, no life dramas, no crying moments, uhm, no serious crying moments, rather. I had the loudest laugh of all. I was always smiling. Roy even told me last year, that I'm such a jolly person, because I always smile and laugh. Now, I may still always laugh and smile, and I may still have the loudest laugh of all, that it annoys other people and make them think I have ADHD, and the stench of my breath may be appalling, too, for all I know, but in the core, I'm not really happy. Laughing and smiling are just superficial, but what I feel beyond the surface isn't really happiness, I sure know I'm unhappy, and I'm not as happy as what I used to.
Where did my happiness go? I had some suspects of what causes my unhappiness. Here are the list of my suspects:
~Kobe Bryant, my dream of seeing him play with the Lakers in the Staples Center seems so impossible. Details of this dream, and why it's impossible is stated in my blog,CONFESSIONS OF A LOS ANGELES LAKERS LOVER, bottom part, DREAM 2.
~G-Dragon, I love him so much, I wanna marry him and have kids with him, he may be a reason for my happiness (which I misconstrued, as I claimed in my previous post), but to think that I could never have him breaks my heart, he's a HEARTBREAKER.
~Big Bang, they are my idol group, I'm obsessed with them, they make me laugh and scream, and dare I say, happy, but they also make me sad because I could never be close with them.
~JESUS, of course He's not making me unhappy, but I used to treat him as my best friend, we were so close, we were real friends, talking with Him, He's like a journal, He knows everything about me, and I don't have to explain myself to Him, but now, I'm so far away from Him.
~FRIENDS, meg, leslie, catherine, achellie, my friends in high school(IV-O), and my friends in summer(MRD & totoot gals), I miss them so much, our time spent, our memories together, and I could only spend less time with them, than before. Also with the VIP's bianca and crixa.
~FAMILY, there's nothing wrong with our family, it's just that we live here in Cebu, but my dad and most of my relatives live in Mindanao, our real home, I miss them so much. You know, nostalgia.
~FATHER, I have nothing against my father, and I love him so much. I have declared in my previous post about my father, A PRAYER and I don't want to fill this post reiterating my statements, but I'm sad, really sad and unhappy of his situation and of what he's going through.
That's the list, I still don't know what really is the reason for my unhappiness, but I sure know it's one of those, or possibly, all of them. I just hope I'll be happy more than ever.